Thursday, November 4, 2010

Interview with Fake David Beckham by Burrito

Hola amigos! Burrito get the biggest interview of his career as a soccer blogging dawg! Si, this is an interview with the one and only Mister Fake David Beckham! Burrito ax him about Futbol, Mexican food, underwear, and if it really hurt to be so pretty. But most important, if he really want to bring MLS back to South Florida.

Burrito : [Barking, whining and wimpering but in Spanglish] Hola Fake David Beckhams! Burrito really excited to be in your presence!
Fake Becks: [In a British accent, kinda like James Bond but girlyerer] I can see that, your tail is really wagging...

Burrito: Si, it a bad habit. Can Burrito smell your butt?
Fake Becks: Ummm, NO.
Burrito: Can Burrito hump your leg now?
Fake Becks: Hell no!
Burrito: Burrito be quick...
Fake Becks: Get off me!
Burrito: Sorry, is just cause you are so pretty for a homeboy and Burrito like to dominate his bitches... Does it hurt to be so pretty?
Fake Becks: Not really. I'm married and have 3 wonderful kids. I really don't think about that. I'm not that vain.
Burrito: A-ha
Fake Becks: Seriously

Burrito: So how Spicy is your spice girl in the sack?
Fake Becks: That's a little personal don't you think?
Burrito: Answer Burrito! Grrr
Fake Becks: Very spicy...

Burrito: Ok, you fight with your wife, who wins?
Fake Becks: She does. If I protest too much she puts me on restriction.
Burrito: Que? What is restriction?
Fake Becks: That's like a timeout but for adults [whispers] I don't get none, if you know what I mean...
Burrito: Oooooh... chingada madre!
Fake Becks: Yeah, it really sucks.

Burrito: So have you been to Miami? Do you like it here and more important. You gonna give Burrito his South Florida MLS (Major League Soccer) soccer team or what?
Fake Becks: I like Miami! There is a possibility that I will be involved with a team in MLS so it might happen. I'm still playing for the MLS until 2011. After that I will weigh my options.

Burrito: There are some people that believes you gonna be involved with the Cosmos in NY. Tell them they no no what they talking about, tell them they are estupid and that that will never, ever, whever happen! Tell them NOOOOO or Burrito will bite you in pipi!
Fake Becks: What? Are you threatening me?
Burrito: Just kitten, but why go to cold, concrete/no trees except in Central Park New York when you can chill with a cold drink by the beach in South Beach, looking at hot mamacitas?
Fake Becks: Vicky does like the Beach...
Burrito: Ok, so NO New York, Thank you!
Fake Becks: I didn't say that...

Burrito: So what you wear? Boxers or briefs?
Fake Becks: I really didn't answer the previous question...
Burrito: Yes, you did!!! Boxers or Briefs?
Fake Becks: Briefs

Burrito: What your favorite Mexican food?
Fake Becks: I like to go to the Plaza Olvera in L.A. and order some Chilerkuilees...
Burrito: You mean Chilaquiles?
Fake Becks: No, Chilerkuilees.
Burrito: Grrrr its Chilaquiles, Burrito knows, Burrito was born in Toluca, Mexico!
Fake Becks: No, I'm pretty sure its Chilerkuilees...
Burrito: ----- [blank stare]

Burrito: You ever heard of the Strikers?
Fake Becks: NO
Burrito: The Fort Lauderdale Strikers?
Fake Becks: NO
Burrito: Que? You never heard of George Best, Gerd Mueller, Nene Cubillas?
Fake Becks: Yeah, I heard of those players but not all were Strikers... Best was a midfielder and...
Burrito: The Strikers was a team those peoples played for... pinche puto...
Fake Becks: What? What does that mean?
Burrito: Puto? Means you are a happy person
Fake Becks: Oh, yeah, I'm a puto then. [Smiles as he readjusts balls, cause of his tight briefs]

Fake Becks: But, going back to the whole New York thi... Why are you biting my arm?
Burrito: That's all the time we have. Burrito want to tank Fake Becks for answering questions and wish him luck in next game versus Seattle. Burrito hope you can give us good news about MLS Miami soon. Any encouraging words to Soccer Fans in South Florida?
Fake Becks: Thanks Burrito, I'd like to tell all South Florida Soccer fans to continue to support local soccer and watch MLS and hopefully I'll have some good news soon. I'd also like to tell New York fans that...
Burrito: Ok, bye!

***Please note this interview was not with the 'Real' David Beckham, so please don't ask us if it was the 'Real' Beckham you idiots!

Football in Miami and Beyond is not to be held accountable nor responsible for any claims, comments, misspelled insults, bad grammar, nor anything written by Burrito. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Warning: Frequent reading of subjects brought up by Burrito may cause diarrhea, erectile malfunctions or depression. Children please ask your parents for permission before reading.
May the force be with you...


Anonymous said...

Funny Stuff! If only the real Becks could give us a real team!

What happened with the Strikers? I have heard nothing about it. Looks like Traffic is going to kill that brand too! I hope not, but they should be working on this don't you think?

Anonymous said...

Traffic sucks!! Strikers will be a joke. We need Someone to bring MLS to south Florida.

Anonymous said...

Anybody in S. Florida has any news about NASL being sactioned

Uncle Ed said...

NO word on NASL being sanctioned. From what I know the paperwork was handed in over a month ago.
With USL Pro not applying for 2nd Div you would assume NASL would be a shoo-in.
Here is one for the conspiracy lovers:
Perhaps USSF is delaying because they don't want NASL to be Div 2? It definitely gave Rochester enough time to change sides...