Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Miami FC puts together dream team. Signs Jason Taylor and other superstars!

Hola amigos y amigas! Burrito here with the latest Miami Soccer news!
We still no know in what league Miami FC will play next years. Will it be USL? Will it be MLS-2? We don't know, pero the team has made a commitment that they will play next year and Burrito has found out from drunken sources in the last tailgate at Lockhearts stadium that Miami FC plans to build a superdupper teams consisting of young and veteran players !

South Florida fans will flock to the stadiums next season to see the latest signings led by Miami Dolphin Defensive End Jasons Taylors! Si Señores y Señoritas, Burrito has learned that Jasons will be on loan from the Dolphins once the Gringo Handball game they call Football season is over! Coach Zinho was not availables for comments pero Burrito believe Jason will play in Defense and will tackle any Forward Estupid enough to get close to him! Expect many yellow and red cards compadres!
Another surprise signing is that of "El Presidente" Pieter Brown of the Miami Ultras. Pieter will play with #12 symbolizing the fans as they are known as the 12th man! Brown will most likely be the Captain... of the bench. Coach Zinho will have him on bench to chant player names, tell them how great they are, pat them on the back when they go on and of pitch, pass them towels, water and give them massages with happy ending! Since drums are not allowed on the field Pieter will be playing the "Maracas" whiles chanting "Vamos Miami" and "Viva Mexico!" (ok, ok not viva Mexico pero you get the picture)

Miami FC also make surprise announcement that Peruvian superstar Teofilo "Nene" Cubillas will be coming out of retirements and be the new creative midfielder Miami FC needs! Cubillas will play with the famous #10 jersey and assures fans that after a good Peruvian "Ceviche" he will jump on the pitch and score a hat trick every game!

Also coming out of retirement is everyones favorite Gol TV commentator, one time Ft Lauderdale Striker player and Miami Fusion coach Ray Hudson! Ray will be playing with the #4 that made him famous! When asked about Soccer, Ray said the following: "It keeps you a young man, doesn't it? It’s the game that will keep you living young and you look at these faces, there’ll be a lot of old men in there, there’ll be a lot of grandmothers, and they are getting the thrills of their lives, this is orgasmic stuff!" Hudson will revolutionize the game as he will be playing with a microphone and will be commenting the game while playing! Ay Chihuahua!

In his quest to reach 1 million goals in his career, Brazilian legend Romário de Souza Faria better known as "Romario" will again play with Miami FC in 2010. For you vatos who don't remember; Romario played with the Blues back in 2006 scoring 19 goles in 25 games! He helped Miami FC reach their first ever USL First Division Playoffs. Romario vows he will play until 110 years old and if neccesary will come back from grave to reach his mark. Romario say he will start a church to rival the one that Maradona have in Argentina and he will embark on crusade that will begin with stopping ugly Argentinian accents and will culminate once he score 1 million goles sometime in the year 2525 at which point he claim the world will end with final Brazil vs Argentina game. (Brazil of course will win)

Due to the high cost involved in bringing the before mentioned players (except for "El Presidente" Pieter Brown, who will pay to be on the bench) Miami FC's mascot Hotshot will double as a backup goalkeeper. When asked how he felt about becoming the first ever Mascot/Player, Hotshot gave the same blank stare he always gives and did his usual pointed finger thumbs up.

For more on the Blues go to

Pictures stolen by Burrito from Victor Palkaninec, Robert Scorca, Jessica Nasib and other sources and poor fools Burrito too lazy to mention. If you want Burrito to take your pictures off this blog please send email to youarestupid@pictures.bye
Expect Burrito to not respond and ignore you as the email is fake and after all, Burrito is a dog.


robertscorca said...

Looking foward to this "new" Miami FC team! Looks to be the most entertaining team in whatever league they play in.
Now that Pieter is a member of the team my vote is for Uncle Ed to take over the position of President of the Ultras!
Vamos Miami!!!

Pieter Brown said...

I am ready and willing to suit up for my position on the bench. I will represent the bench in full Miami Ultras fashion. In other words I'll be drunk as hell. Ready to go coach!

Afusionado said...

Funny stuff!
Like Robert said this would be an entertaining team even if the the team would average over 45yrs old. LOL
I haven't been to any Miami FC games but if they put a good team on the field I might start going. I hope the new league is atleast MLS-2 that would make more people go.

Julio said...

Afusionado, you need to come out and support Miami FC. Everyone need to support pro soccer in South Florida.

Anonymous said...

Wow that was funny!
Argentinians do have a terrible accent!